Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Worst Person in the World
Today I’ve been staying in the house nursing twenty-some chigger bites: still in my jammies, doused in Campho-Phenique, wearing a pair of my mother’s old cotton socks and trying not to scratch. Hung over from the 50mg. of Benadryl I took last night, placating myself with French Silk ice cream straight from the carton, and trying to deal with the latest outrage out of our toxic capitol.
This was the first article that came off my email. It speaks to me on many levels, but it definitely speaks for itself. What jumped out at me was the comment by Keith Olbermann. I realize it’s a month late, but I don’t follow Mr. Olbermann. He states that Major Stefan Cook is a “jackass” and the “worst person in the world.” Huh. Now let me get this straight. Mr. Olbermann would certainly know about jackasses. And so would most of the inhabitants of Congress, the White House, the mainstream media, and now, The Supreme Court. I’m more than certain that, given their collective egos, all of them have mirrors.
But the worst person in the world? That’s a very serious—and ambitious— accusation. Let’s see, first of all, who would be the judge of who the worst person in the world would be? Perhaps the wealthiest person in the world could make that decision. Umm, who would that be? I suppose we could toss around names like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Carlos Slim Helú, depending on what day of the week it was. They’re certainly up there. But would any of them qualify as the judge of who the worst person in the world actually is?
Or perhaps the most powerful person in the world should determine it? Maybe he or she could judge the worst. I’m sorry, but every time I think of the most powerful person in the world I’m reminded of the mad scientist-type in the old cartoons, laughing maniacally and screaming, “Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! I will rule the world as soon as I annihilate Homer the Hero!”
He always got his comeuppance in the end, usually at the hands of Homer, but it was certainly fun getting our guts in an uproar and watching in white-knuckled agony as the evil antagonist cavorted around with his doomsday machinery and launched blistering epithets at the hapless world at large.
So. The most powerful person in the world? That’s a whole lot more subjective than the wealthiest person, no matter what day of the week it happens to be. Ban Ki-moon? George Soros? Barack Hussein Obama? Nah, scratch the last one. Puppets don’t count. I guess we could name them: Soros-Obama, but then I’d have to leave out the “Hussein” and we shouldn’t be allowed to forget the middle name. Okay: Soros-Hussein Obama. That works.
All right, then. Ban Ki-moon gets to decide who is the worst person in the world. His short list includes anyone who didn’t agree with the climate change myth. A list, I might add, that is growing at a gratifying rate. But, after a bit of research, I have decided on Patrick J. Michaels of the Cato Institute. I don’t presume to try to climb inside the mind of Mr. Ki-moon, but surely this gentleman must be a serious thorn in his flesh. The problem with Dr. Michaels is threefold: he bases his statements on facts, not emotion; he backs up facts with actual events; and then there’s that pesky history, which has not been revised yet.
Now it gets complicated. Who do we suppose would be the choice of the next powerful people–Soros/Hussien-Obama? Ah, so many conservatives, so little time. We could start with the big three: O’Riley, Limbaugh, Hannity. Has a nice ring to it. Then there’s Malkin, Coulter, Ingraham. Not to mention Levin. But my money’s on Glenn Beck. He’s a little edgier that Hannity, a little more spontaneous than Limbaugh, and a lot more unpredictable than O’Riley. As far as considering a woman, Obama has enough problems with what’s at home, in his cabinet, and in Congress (not to mention his big ole wife Sweetie Face) without the added burden of considering yet one more female in any capacity.
Do either of these two—uh— three men have the right to assert who is the worst person in the world? Does anyone? Does Keith Olberman? Yes, I know this is rhetorical, but at least I found this little diversion kind of a hoot, as I poured Campho-Phenique on my feet and sat around in yesterday’s lingerie.
As I pointed out at the beginning of this tirade, the article above speaks for itself. And when all is said and done two truths emerge: no living person has the authority to say who is the worst person in the world; and Keith Olbermann is still a jackass.
Posted by One of the Moons at 8:57 PM